When Are You To Old To Learn Math?

And apparently that answer would be never...

The catch is that lately I have been learning a lot. I mean not just a lot; I mean MORE than a lot. It all has to do with being a parent of a bride. Bless her heart. And I mean that in the most southern way.... (said with a drawl and honey tone).

Poor brides. They have way too many decisions to make. Mine has been designing the dresses, the invites, the schedule of events and now she is done - I think. She came over to design the veil yesterday.* I had a few other questions; she was tired from her Warrior run** and hungry. Not the time to approach a bride. Also, her hair will not curl like she wants.*** I know what she is doing wrong but she has her way of learning. I am not going to suggest another thing about that subject.

*OMYGOSH it is gorgeous! It would cost about $5000 at a shop. How do I know this? When I was trimming out piece #22 of the 49 very intricate lace pieces that we are using to applique onto the veil, I checked prices at various places for said veil. I saw my fate with the construction and it is days, nay, weeks of hand sewing. But, alas, I am cheap and continued cutting my ass off. I am still not done...I figure 4 weeks to make this thing.

**You pay money to run through someone's field of mud. You also get a Viking hat to wear. No, I am not making this up. There is beer at the end. I have a feeling there is beer when you make the decision to do it, beer before you do it, and beer while you do it.

***rollers, 1960's, Toni Perm, Dippity-do, Aquanet--I mean I know how to curl and straighten hair. She wants a Pantene commercial. You would think that with her degree in advertising, she would know that is not real.

The last decision yesterday was about the adorable totes we have for the people in the wedding party in Vegas. There are 5 areas for photos or random information. I suggested making them cute with a pattern paper and removing the doggie/puppy/mom one that come with the tote. It was one step to much for her. She needed wine and pizza and I could see this as the words were stilling traveling from my mouth to her ears. However, she did hold it together enough to make a funny comment.

No more decisions. After all, she will look beautiful and that is the most important thing. The guests are just coming along for the ride. She worded it much cuter but that was the gist. She did not mean one word of it and I know that. I wanted everyone to look back at the affair and say, "There was not one detail left undone". What is wrong with that?

What is wrong with that is this -- it is not my wedding! Mine sucked. Well, my first one did. And my second? In a courtroom with a drunk and disorderly trial halted for the event and the witness was the guy on trial. We had not noticed that the room refilled quietly during the ceremony with all the witnesses and spectators. There had to be 50 people in the room and they did applaud as we left. Well, the drunk guy did not; he did ask Larry if he was sure he wanted to do that. Then, we went back to the high school where we both taught and finished out the day. Spring break (literally 3 1/2 months later) we had a 3 day honeymoon at the horse racing track in Hot Springs Arkansas--where my ex had moved to. Larry loved it. He said it was the best honeymoon ever. I had my doubts we would last a year on that comment. Let's just say he is not the most romantic cowboy I ever met.

I had to make a separation from this wedding. Only, I can't. So here's my plan: I am making the small decision from now on. She can live with them because she doesn't really care. She is Bridezilla in reverse. The tiny things are simply not important to her. She has planned everything--and I mean everything is bought and paid for and ready to go--five months early. Really, there is nothing else to buy or plan or make. Well, not for her to make anyway.

So, once again in my life I have piled on 30,000 little details for me to do...along with the yard work that I said I would do. I have to give something up because I know I can't do it all. Hmmm, what to give up?? This is going to be a tough one...but since I have not cooked in over a week and Larry has not complained, then that makes it cooking and grocery shopping. After all I did go this week. That purchase included:

6 bottles of wine

- 2 I have already had the pleasure of drinking

__________________________

4 left to get me through the veil

I'm good.